Kittens and Dogs
by Blind-Eyes-That-See
Summary: Sayori glared. "You want me to seduce Zero, the most beautiful, intelligent kid in our class and likely the strongest hunter ever born, with a wiffle bat?" Kaito nodded seriously. "Yes, it will help you to-" "A WIFFLE bat!"


The sun had fallen to its death, and the congregation of stars mourned pitifully beside the gently glowing moon. Cross academy bathed in the light of darkness. Silence reigned. Even the crickets seemed to have died away for the night. In this beautiful void, Sayori Wakaba walked forward.

She was clutching her jacket to her chest, the cool air sending shivers down her spine. Despite the black cold, she was completely calm. Her doe brown eyes were searching about. She tapped her fingers together, and bit her lower lip.

The woods pressed in on her from both sides. Huge, sharp smelling pines glared down at her, as if to ask the source of her insolence. A sound echoed through space. A lesser human would have felt fear. Wakaba turned eagerly. A vampire stepped out into the world. His light features were paled by the moonlight. Twin orbs of fire cut through her soul.

"Hello Kiryuu-kun," she muttered, giving a short bow. The hunter did not answer. He stepped out into the night. A dark haired youth followed behind him. It was silent for a moment. Yori looked about, as if searching for something to fill the awkward gap. "Hello…" she repeated.

"Third time," muttered Zero. She stared back, a curious look on her face.

"What?"

"This is the third time I've caught you out after hours. In three nights. Are you trying to get caught or something? I'm tempted to chain you to your bed so you can't get out."

"Leave the kinky stuff out of your threats, Zero. I'll escort her back to the Sun dorms," said Kaito. He walked up to her, and before she could evade him, he had grabbed her wrist. Real panic crept into her face and voice.

"Hey, let go of me! I don't wanna go back." She fought for a brief time, but the hunter's body was like iron. He did not let go. Finally, she surrendered, and trudged along behind him. Her head hanged down in shame. As she grew closer and closer to the academy, she glanced back at Zero, giving a shy little wave. He had already turned away.

Depression aching in her chest, Sayori walked on.

* * *

Kaito reached the girl's room with little trouble from her. Her tiny frame had sunken down into a picture of misery. When she saw that they were at their destination, she broke from the hunter and pushed in her door. Before she could make it through, however, Kaito's voice brushed again her ears.

"So, why are you so upset?" At first she didn't answer. After all, it was none of his business. But then she realized his hand was clasped across her shoulder. It felt strong and unmoving. She stared mournfully into her painfully pink room.

"No reason."

"Really?" whispered Kaito, as he drew in closer to her neck. "Are you sure? C'mon. What's bothering you?"

Yori blushed, and balled her fists. Mentally, she calculated the exact location to hit and force to apply to punch his privates for maximum pain… "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, come on," he pressed, and then drew closer. Yori gritted her teeth and her face turned red. He had three seconds. He had two seconds. He had one second. He was so dead…

"Sad that Zero wasn't the one to walk you home?" Yori's eyes widened. Her fist slammed into something soft. Kaito's jaw dropped. He let out a strangled cry.

And then he fell to the floor.

* * *

"Look, I said I was sorry. It's just you freaked me out. What would you have done in the same situation?" said Yori.

"It's fine. Really." Kaito's voice was rasping and pained. He was sprawled out on an atrociously pink bed in a horribly pink room. He sat up, still shaking a bit. "By the way, were you ever approached to join the Hunter's Association? You've got quite a punch."

Yori paced about, the shuffling of her feet sounding throughout her room. She didn't want to meet the hunter's gaze. "How did- how did you figure it out?"

Kaito snorted. "It's not that hard to deduce. Well, for me. I'm outside of the situation. You seem like a smart girl. Why would you let yourself get caught three times in a row? The vampires are gone, and from what I've heard, you aren't the type to obsess over them in the first place. There seems to be only one reason why you'd even bother leaving your room at night. And that would be the fact that a certain man walked you home every time you did." He smiled.

Yori's blush intensified. "I- I, it's just, well, he's kind of… really cool. And smart. And cute. And now that Yuki's gone- and she didn't like him anyway, or, well, she kind of did, but she already has Kaname, and I just figured, I didn't mean to, I'm just, I'm not a, I, uh, I."

"Woh there. You don't have to rant. I get where you're coming from. And I'm going to help you."

Yori's heart stopped. Her eyes sparkled. "You will? Really? But why?"

Kaito laughed, standing up to dwarf Yori. "Zero's my friend, kiddo. I like him and I want him to be happy. Besides, there aren't nearly enough fan fictions of this pairing."

Yori blinked. "Fan- fiction? What does that mean?"

The hunter smiled, and gently rubbed her head. "Don't you worry that pretty little head of yours. Just leave it to me. Now, I'm going to need to know a few things. What have you been doing to tip him off besides this?"

The girl lifted a finger to her chin and tapped. "Well, I gave him chocolates once. And I've been sitting next to him in class. I wear new clothes and whenever he wears something new, I compliment him. Oh, and I've been wearing this perfume."

"Hmm. A typical start. You're doing horribly." Yori gaped and glared indignantly. Kaito lifted his hands in defense. "Hey, hey, sorry. It's just you have to be less subtle."

The thoughtful look returned to her face. "Well, I suppose I could get my hair done. Start talking to him more. Then maybe he'd notice me."

Kaito shook his head. "No, no. You're thinking like a girl. That's not nearly obvious enough."

Yori crossed her arms against her chest. She looked like nothing more than a miffed kitten trying to figure out how to grab its mother's tail. "But Zero's really smart. He's at the top of our class. He'll figure it out eventually, won't he? It's just he's really complicated. I can't figure him out no matter what I do."

Kaito sighed, and then sat back down. "Oh my. You really believe that, don't you? That guys are complicated?" Yori placed her hands on her hips. "Well, they are! They're always thinking about-"

"No they're not," interrupted the hunter.

"And they're always secretly-"

"No they're not."

The girl huffed, and then sat down next to Kaito. "Fine, all wise master. If guys aren't complicated, then why can't I get this one to like me?" The sarcasm in her tone bit like a snake.

"Because you're going about it like you'd go about seducing a girl. I must say, it's a shame you weren't born a man. Zero wouldn't have had to worry about all those girls hopping over the fence to get to the Night class students." Yori punched him so hard that the well trained hunter was sent flying into the embrace of the pink carpet. The crash reverberated through the room. When he recuperated and got back up, he rubbed at his head. "Born a man… and a hunter." Before she could hit him again, he dodged away. "Hey, calm down! I'm here to help you after all." Kaito waited patiently for her to calm down. "You good?"

Yori nodded. "Get on with it. What can I do?"

The hunter smiled, and then drew her in closer. "Don't worry little miss. I've got the perfect plan."

* * *

She eyed the large, yellow wiffle bat. It felt smooth and plastic against her bare hand. She turned it around and about to see if maybe there was some sort of secret device on it. There wasn't.

"You want me to seduce Zero, the most beautiful, intelligent kid in our class and possibly the strongest hunter ever born, with a wiffle bat?"

Kaito nodded seriously. "It will help you to-"

"- A WIFFLE bat."

"Listen, do you have any better ideas?" Yori was forced into silence. But that didn't stop her from glaring. Kaito reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to her gingerly. She eyed it carefully.

"What's this for?"

"It's my plan. Follow it to the letter. Trust me, I know the male nature. Zero will be yours. And then I won't have to suffer wading through bad fan fiction of my best friend being paired with a secret vampire, brother loving, no personality, pretty haired, big eyed, long eyelashes excuse for a protagonist. How I hate that cute way she looks at you like you're a stalker that she's caught in a trap, even when you were just hanging out in that bear trap for fun-"

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

Zero walked through the forest, his senses on edge. The wind carried scents and tastes through the world, so that he could almost taste the flowers, almost smell the thick taste of pine and earth. The moon shown like an eternal goddess, but he didn't care. His kind were not in need of such things to see in their own time. He cringed at the thought.

His ears flicked as he heard it. Another curfew breaker. There had been less since the night class had left, but they were no less annoying. Putting on his angry face, he turned to stalk his prey. When he saw who it was, his heart stopped. His fangs grew. Her. Again.

Yori stalked forward, glancing about like she was looking for something. What was her first name again? Wakama? Wakaki? Waka… Wack a mole. That must have been in.

"Hey, wacka-."

He was interrupted when she saw him. Her eyes lit up like a summer flame and she rushed up towards him, jumping over several logs. "Zero-kun!" she called. Zero tensed. She was carrying something. Clutched in her left hand was a crumpled piece of paper. She was holding onto it like it meant her whole life to her. And in her right hand was what appeared to be a… a wiffle bat?

"What the hell, Sayori? Three times in three nights is stupid, but twice in the same one? Fine, I'll take you back again. Honestly. I can't understand this stupidity from you." And then she did something that confused every nerve, every cell, every atom in his being.

She hit him on the head with her wiffle bat.

Zero blinked.

What had just happened exactly?

"Sayori? What are you doing?"

She hit him again.

"I am now dominant over you!" her face was pressed into the piece of paper. The confusion grew in Zero's mind. He could name the number of people that had ever hit him on his fingers, though he couldn't have reached the number of pieces he'd reduced them to it he'd had the entire population of humanity to work with. Why was she doing this?

She hit him again. It didn't really hurt. It was just every time she did it, he felt weird. Some strange part of him wanted to present her with a dead bird. What, was he crazy? Well, no. Obviously the dead bird was an attempt to pay tribute. He thought he had seen a mouse around. That would have been even better. All men knew this kind of stuff. It was only natural.

She hit him again.

"I am dominant over you!"

Zero wrinkled his brow. "What do you think you're doing? Stop this!"

"You are attempting to regain dominance. No." She hit him again. "That is very bad. I am dominant. Bad." She hit him again.

Zero backed up and stared. All the fury seemed to have melted away from his gaze. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wanted to roll onto his belly and submit. Wait, wait no! What was happening to him? He wasn't some weakling. He moved to grab the wiffle bat. "Listen, it's fine, I'll walk you home. I'm not mad at you. Just calm down."

She hit him again.

"You are mine. My Zero. You are not anyone else's Zero. Heel."

Suddenly, Zero understood. She liked him. Oh! It all made sense now. The wiffle bat. The list. The hitting. Complete, perfect sense. But his heart had been stolen by that filthy pureblood. He didn't have it to give. Poor girl. He-

She hit him again.

"Heel." And then, for some reason… he heeled. Yori seemed shocked but pleased. She held her wiffle bat carefully, and then returned to the list.

"Come." And then she walked off. And for some reason, he came with her.

"What's going on?" He asked. "My brain feels really weird. I really want to go chase a ball for some reason. And, and, and… you smell really good for some reason. You've been wearing nice clothes lately, haven't you?"

"Yep," she replied cheerfully. "Thank you for noticing." She brandished her wiffle bat. "Stop." He stopped instantly. She turned to him. "You're going to pick me up tomorrow at five at my room. You're going to be wearing your nicest suit, and you're going to have flowers, and then you're going to take me to the best restaurant you can that isn't a horrible tax on your monetary savings. We'll split the bill."

"What? N-."

She hit him again.

"Okay."

Yori perked up. Zero noticed, perhaps for the first time, how charming she looked when she was happy. He smiled back, shyly. The cool moonlight colored her features beautifully pale. He rubbed at the back of his head. "You look… really pretty." The girl blushed. Her hands behind her back, she turned to return to the Sun dorms. Zero watched her go for a moment, and then went back to work on his patrols.

"Wait!" called Sayori's voice. Zero turned. She was rushing towards him, her eyes fixed on the list in her hands. When she got back to him, she was panting. "The list says there's one more thing I have to do." Zero tensed, expecting the wiffle bat. But to his surprise, staring up at him with her soft brown eyes, she dropped it.

She was too fast for him to stop him. Her lips met his beneath the moonlight. Zero's eyes blazed. His heart raced. Her slim body was pressed against his so that he could feel her heartbeat through her clothes. She was so soft. Even softer than…

He closed his eyes and kissed back.

I feel warm, he thought, amidst a frozen world.

* * *

From off in the distance, Kaito watched the pair. He had a laptop in his lap, and was typing furiously. Yes. Yes! The number of Yuki X Zero fan fictions were dropping rapidly all over the world. Soon, the fans would be forced to pair her with minor characters. Yagari and Kaien were too old. Aidou wasn't cool enough. All the other vampires had love interests. That left him as the reigning canon character. Well, except for him…

Kaito typed furiously at his laptop. An image of Kaname flashed onto the screen. Data streams flared into existence beneath it. Kaito's eyes blazed. "I think I'll pair you with Seiren."

Bwaha.

Bwahahaha.

Bwhahahahah.

* * *

This was my first attempt at fluffy romance. I might do another one for Kaname, but I don't know. How did I do?


End file.
